I made the goal to write a blog post every week no matter what, so here is my third week.
But what to talk about?
Ignore any typos, this is my blog, I do what I want!
Well, if you are in my group, then you know I am taking a break from Social media. Which has been good. I've had to go on a few times here and there and all I see is some poor dog being tortured, or someone bitching about something, and I'm done.
I've also been taking a break with writing until February.
I've been debating whether or not to talk about what I've been feeling lately, and I think I'm just going to go for it. Whether people hate me or not afterwards.
I'm struggling so hard trying to give my all to everything.
I am a mom
I am a wife
I own/ run a successful full time business
I am an author
& I am struggling to balance my heavy plate ( like most women I assume.)
I've gained 20lbs from stress since August, I feel so high and low so fast and often. Mild depression, and just feeling like I'm about to pull a 2007 Britney Spears on the inside at any minute.
I've been very determined when it comes to being an author. Striving so hard to write and publish as many books as I can. Which is only like 4 ish. So not as many as some other. And let me tell you, the whole process is HARD. Ask any author and they will tell you how many highs and lows they go through while writing, and then actually publishing. Setting goals for yourself that you watch as they plummet into the abyss when those goals aren't met. And we create them. We have this image in our head what makes us successful or where we want to be. No matter where you are in the book world you are never enough ( in our heads) . There are always people better, doing better. ( Which is true.)
I've met some amazing people. People I wish I could just hug and see everyday.
But one thing about my personality, I give my all to people. Like I would do ANYTHING for those I call friends. Sadly, I am learning a lot of my "friendships" are one sided, and to keep my circle small. With true people who actually care about me and my happiness.
Which leads me to something every author does, and we need to cut that shit out. For reals.
That person gets invited to all the signings
This person hits lists with every book.
That author can put out a book every month.
This author makes enough to be full time.
This person does this.
You get the picture.
I suffer from friendship envy.
I see everyone talking about their tribe and everyone comes together to say how much they love them and how great it's to have them in their lives.
I wanted that for a long time. A tribe.
I tried, I put in so much effort to become friends with people I thought we would get along, and have fun but when it came down to it, Authors who understood the life and trials that it came with, but it was all a dream in my head. I was trying to force something that wasn't naturally forming.
Stupid me right?
I am a person of worth, and I kept trying to make people see that I am worth their time.
That shit is over. As a few wise authors have told me, keep your head down and write. So that my friends is what I will be doing.
Along with focusing on myself as a whole, to be a happier, healthier me. I will also be lightly slowing down with everything author. I just can't keep the pace and keep my life intact.
You can't put so much into something without taking away from other important parts of your life.
Like Family. and Money (publishing is not cheap)
I love my family, and I feel like that is where most of my everything was being taken from.
So this year will be more about them.
I will still be writing, and publishing, but I can't up with what I was doing. I need balance all around.
But one thing I wanna make a point to say.
I love my readers, and while I may not have hundreds, my little dedicated group are the best readers I could every ask for. They lift me up and have kept me writing over the last year from their belief in me. It's purely amazing. I went from being excited to just have one person read my book that wasn't family to having a few people who actually can't wait to read whatever madness I put out next. It's something I never wanna forget. if I start to act like an asshole about it someone better come and tit punch me.
Moral of the story is I am struggling hard, but I am putting forth effort to find balance.
I will do this.
Third week blog post= Success.
I do feel a little better having admitted all this stuff. It's been stuck in my head making it worse. So yay me for having a blog that I can get it out to